Two Years Ago Today

Two years. We will never forget.

Happy New Year!

It was a year ago today that Parker had his last surgery. A year feels a whole lot longer than a day, or a week, or a month.  It is a far greater milestone. It represents 365 days of success, 365 days to put this behind us and look ahead.

Tomorrow we might wake up with a greater sense of relief. We will never be too far from wary, but maybe it will begin to come with a gentler touch.

Rest for the weary.

I love you boys. Happy New Year!

Happy Day to My Beautiful Sons

November 14, 2010

Parker turns twenty-seven today. 

I am struggling to find the words to express how grateful I am for this seemingly ordinary milestone. As a writer, this should be easy. But the days when more birthdays were uncertain are not so far behind us,  and still prey on our minds.

Although some of the emotional effects of his illness linger, Parker has begun a new life, full of hope and possibility. We know it could have been the other way, and for that we are eternally grateful. 

Lord, purge our eyes to see / Within the seed a tree, 

Within the glowing egg a bird / Within the shroud a butterfly:

Till taught by such, we see / Beyond all creatures, Thee.

Happy Day to my two beautiful sons, Parker and James. 

Celebrate Life

Today marks one year since Parker went to the hospital via ambulance with the beginnings of an illness that tried very hard to take his life. Needless to say, it has been a long year. But we made it. I remain in awe of Parker's courage, his tenacity, his grace and strength.

In honor of Parker, and of our family's fight for his life, please hug your children today. If they live far away, send them an email like this ((((TheirName))))). That is a virtual hug which I learned from my good friend Linda Gafford who sent me virtual hugs constantly throughout this ordeal.

If you don't have children, reach out to someone else whose day/life might be made a little brighter by your gesture. If you can't think of anyone, go to a homeless shelter or a hospital ICU waiting room and do it. There you will find plenty of weary people.

Be at peace. Strive to be happy.

The Family Tree Photo

Here we are. We made it! Parker lived, James moved to Austin and got a great job with Apple Computers, and I am the happiest Mom on the planet.

This photo was taken on March 4, 2010, almost a year to the day that Parker first went by ambulance into the hospital. It was the day that started the biggest challenge of our lives. We are forever grateful for all of you who helped us through prayer, through financial donations, cards, emails, letters, text messages with words of encouragement, positive thoughts, good juju, smiles, hugs and tears. And most of all we are thankful to God, who walked beside us every step of the way.

Love,
Nanci, Parker and James

Lately ~ From Parker

Parker wrote this on his Facebook page:

"For all of the people who have been asking questions lately about how I've been over the past year with my health issues and all, I figured I'd give you a little bit of an update. Physically, I hurt, but I am progressing and will, hopefully, soon be able to go about living life as usual for me.

Mentally, it's a whole different story. I have a lot of issues with sleeping, re-living things that nobody should go through in the first place. I also live in a kind of fear all the time, fear that something will tear, move, stretch... I've spent 6 of the last 12 months flat on my back in a hospital bed, and it is not something that I want to do again.

When I can finally get to sleep, it is often interrupted and not very relaxing. I can't work right now, which really, really sucks. I need to get back to work, I need to have some kind of purpose other than sitting here all day with just my thoughts. A man can go crazy when left alone with just his thoughts.

That's enough for now. Like I said, physically, I'm on the mend, but mentally, I'm a wreck. Hopefully that will begin moving towards normal in the future. I really hope so. Ok, thanks for wondering about how things are going, and I will update you guys at a later point.

Peace."

Mother Tiger's Never Quit

We are home again. For the 5th time in not quite eleven months, we have come home from the hospital. But this time there's no celebratory "VICTORY!" feeling, there is an overwhelming sense of apprehension. Worry. Fear.

How do we really know if everything is okay this time? When will we feel it is truly behind us? I guess the answer is we will never know. Maybe it is meant to be that the events of the last eleven months really are what define us, and we cannot discard that identity like we do Parker's bandages. Maybe this is who we are, and who we will be forever.

It all feels pretty gloomy tonight, but there remains that still, small voice inside my head and my heart that says, "I am here with you and I will not leave you alone." Thank you God.

I am sure tomorrow we will feel better. Tomorrow will be sunny and the edema on Parker's abdomen will have gone down (due in large part to all the green tea and lemon I am forcing him to drink). There was some concern from the doctors about the fluid, whether it might get infected and what signs we need to look for "just in case."

So I sit and stare at Parker. I flinch at every movement he makes, jump each time he breathes deeply because he is bound up so tight with his stiff binders he can only stretch out in an awkward way without discomfort. I wait like a mother tiger for illness to reappear so I can pounce quickly. I will never give up.