Cowboys and Courage

I cried in the aisle of a grocery store today when I picked this card up. This baby could have been Parker 25 years ago. When he was in ICU I sat next to his bed for weeks, staring at him with my heart in my throat, feeling as protective about him as I did when I watched him sleep in his bassinett as an infant.

Parker has lost so much weight, his face has an innocence to it I haven't seen in years. He has a baby face again. The nurses all comment on his long lashes which makes him blush, but I am sure he is secretly pleased. One nurse in particular.

Today was a huge day. Parker's courage continues to astound me. His determination, his will, his strength, his ability to push himself past what he thinks he can do, just a little further, regardless of the pain involved. I am in awe of him.

If you have ever read anything about pancreatitis, you know it is one of the worst types of pain the human body can experience. Every day, every minute, Parker pushes past that. He fights back, mentally throws bricks at the fire inside his belly. Today when we talked about it he said there is a song he thinks about when he feels like giving up, a song that reminds him he has no choice. The alternative is laying in bed and letting this disease eat him up, and he says that is not an option. He will fight, and he will beat it.

Today his white cell count is up a little (from 10.9 to 13) which made my chest tighten to hear. Then this afternoon he has had a very slight temperature to go along with it (99.3 under the armpit which means 100.3 regular). I am borrowing from his courage and trying to remain calm about it. The Critical Care doc wasn't concerned so I will follow Parker's lead and move on.