Good Morning Austin!

So how is it we get both a sunset and a sunrise view? Which direction are we facing?

Yesterday was so exhausting. In the end, it was very good, but it felt like everything was turning on us. The Home Edition wound-vac kept beeping until finally the alarm went off and it said, "Device is non-functional - remove dressing from patient and call center immediately." Swell. That was comforting.

The wound care PT person up here is really nice, but I would guess she was a little over my nerves yesterday in the end. I'm not sure if it was the new location and care takers, or the fact that I knew I was going to the shrink in the afternoon to try and unload the burden I've been holding in my gut for 3 1/2 months, but as hard as I tried to be calm and rational, I felt jumpy and overly sensitive all day. So as the clock ticked the minutes away and we got closer to the "maximum 2 hour" mark after which the wound dressing MUST be removed (because it says so in the instructions and so in my overactive mind, if it stays on 2 hours and 1 minute my child might die....) I started pacing, looking for Sanjay (?), the PT Wound Care person. Bless her heart she didn't even look at me cross eyed when she came in, did a simple canister change and fixed everything.... with 2 minutes to spare. I almost burst into tears.

Our nurse yesterday was named Derrick. He was awesome, and guess what? He does trach care like he's done it everyday of his life! He even taught me and got me to look at the gross and disgusting hole in Parker's neck. So much for the RT girl telling us, Be careful, they don't do trach care up there, they code people for that.... Scared the crum out of us on our last day in IMC! Derrick got all our supplies together to get us through the weekend, and taught Parker how to get the extra sterile gloves on his huge hands without contaminating them. He was funny, calm, and patient. Just what the doctor ordered.

Sanjay, the PT Wound care person, suggested we consider not using the wound vac anymore, just using "regular" dressings because the wound is granulating enough to where it is level with the flesh and the wound vac isn't necessary. We asked for the plastic surgeon to come up, Dr. Turner. He came after I'd left and told Parker he could do the skin graft surgery anytime. Sanjay had suggested we look into using biologically engineered skin instead of his own to reduce the pain of the surgery, but Dr. Turner said it is always better to use your own flesh if you can. Barf..... where's the bucket????

The insurance company decided to only give us three days here, so the case manager has to call them asap and be sure they know we need to have more time for Parker to get more balanced and strong. Can you imagine me taking him home right now? Eeed-gads!

I went for my long awaited appointment to try and start working through some of this stuff I am holding on to, the terror and horror of being told I was losing my child, the dark days and nights in ICU when every breath Parker took was one more gift, the torturing thoughts of what my life would be like if I lost him, the look on James's face when he crumpled in the hallway after bravely seeing his brother ~ his idol ~ for the first time with his open abdomen and his body consumed by tubes and machines and braces and wires and beeps.....

The appointment was a little disappointing. I never felt like it was okay to let it all out. The shrink kept talking. I needed to talk. But that's what happens, you just never know till you get there. He referred me to someone else in his office who takes my insurance, and I might call him next week.

I am planning to spend at least today at the League House sleeping and watching tennis and trying to get the red swelling in my eyes to go away (allergies + crying for an hour at doctor's office). I'll come back for dinner with Parker later, but I didn't sleep well last night, was awake most of the night checking my phone to see if he called and answering emails. I got back here about 5:40am to watch Wimbledon with Parker because I thought Roddick was playing first. I think sleep is in order, even more importantly than Wimbledon. Hopefully they will have my tv fixed at the room soon.

Parker's spirits are good. He was tired yesterday and very anxious, not happy at all that I was going to League House to sleep, but after I explained how tired I was, and the concerns I have for my health after holding all this in for so long, he understood and felt better. He had a good night, was up a lot going to the bathroom but was able to manage it by himself without falling. I still worry about his falling after that night last week.

Today he will have three full hours of OT and PT. Amy told him on FB she would come see him today, and that made him very happy. He misses his friends from IMC. Hello IMC!!!!! But Parker has always made friends easily, so perhaps he will make more up here.

I made a friend. A one legged man who just had his third triple by-pass surgery. He is going home today. He was the only one up when I got here, sitting in his wheelchair in the dining/activity area watching the sunrise behind us cause the colors to change on the horizon. he seems a little melancholy and said he misses his leg. They just took it off a month ago. I meant to suggest he have a Memorial Service for his missing leg. I've heard that can help.

My eyes today ~ what's that all about?: