Not Funny Ha-Ha

It's funny, that thing called Hope. Not funny ha-ha, but funny in the way we hold onto it just to experience the euphoria it brings.

Like when I buy a lottery ticket. I know exactly when the numbers are drawn for the Mega-Millions. You learn things like that when you are sitting in a hospital for four months. But on the occasions when I buy a ticket, I don't rush to my computer to check the numbers at 11:01pm. I don't really want to know, because so long as I don't know, I still have hope.

The reality is I know I'm not going to win, so what I am buying isn't really a chance at the $175 million that screams at me from the billboards above the highways. What I am paying for is a little bit of hope. A day or two of dreaming, checking out of reality. And so sometimes I go two weeks before I check the numbers, because I want to coast for a while.

Today I had my hopes dashed about something I had begun to count on. Not the lottery, and no, nothing to do with the book or Parker's health. Something else that now makes me know I have to re-think my life going forward. Maybe my brother Jamie was right. Maybe the Universe is pushing me in a different direction. Maybe what I was hoping for isn't what is supposed to happen after all.

The funny thing about hope is that it is always there for the taking. If I check my numbers and didn't win, I can just go buy another $1 lottery ticket and let hope seep back into my heart. If what I was expecting to happen doesn't, I can change my plans and hope for something else.

However I use it, hope helps me soar to impossible heights, if even for a moment or two.


P.S. Couldn't resist adding this photo of Quinn, who continues to fill our days with joy.