The Things I Left Behind

It's a really odd feeling, being here in my little cottage in Maryland that I have only lived in for a total of 3 1/2 weeks. That's how long I lived here before Parker got sick. Before Austin.

Seeing all the things that made up what my life was Before Austin is surreal. I have spent hours wandering around my cottage, batting away the dust and dog hair that gathered over the last 5 months, touching the photos on my "muse wall," throwing away the tube of hair conditioner I left open on the back of the sink when I raced out the door to save my son's life, shaking off the clothes that were left behind, sitting at my desk and running my fingertips over the keyboard of the computer which helped me write my book with Peach and Scout at my feet, listening to Willie croon.

I can't quite grasp how simple my life must have been. The things I took for granted. On the floor when I came in was Critter's mate. A little blond Critter that I bought at the same time I bought gray Critter. Critter being the little stuffed hamster I carried in my pocket, and clutched in my hand, during those first few weeks when Parker's life was termed "imminently critical."

Just writing those words, that phrase, has done me in for the night. I have a long way to go before I reach Normal again.

Parker is weary. This trip has been great for him in the sense that he is building stamina which he will need before he returns to work in a few weeks. But the crowds of people, the sensory overload, has worn him out and he told me today he is ready to go home. But we can't go home. Not yet. Not until he sees the surgeon here tomorrow, and not until I have my meeting with my boss on Wednesday. Then I'll take him back to Austin for the last tests and studies and clearances from doctors so he can start work again. I will start shipping my belongings back up north, and prepare for the return to my old life, or the start of my new, whichever way it ends up, which has yet to be determined.

But tonight I am emotional, and I am weary, too.