Journey From Dark To Light

I'm so sorry....

Those were the words Dr. Morrison said to me one month ago today, trying to make me understand I was losing Parker.

Never in my life will I forget the look on his face. He does this all the time, it is his chosen career. But I could tell in the way he shifted his eyes back to his mobile computer screen for a brief second, and the flash of his face when he looked into my own eyes, that he was using every bit of his professional training and years of practice to remain emotionally removed.

I can't venture much further than that at this point, I'm not ready. The only other thing I want to add right now is that there is nothing in life that can prepare you for that moment, for those long, agonizing hours, while you wait for your child to die. Nothing.

But look! Here we are, one month later, and the news of the day is that Parker will be moving upstairs to the Intermediate Care Unit sometime next week!!! WE MADE IT!!! Let me quickly take that back and say WE MADE IT SO FAR!!

Dr. Weingarten (Dr. Morrison's replacement) said he wants him off the Lasix drip and only getting the diuretic injections before we move upstairs. He wants him off the insulin drip. He wants the speech therapists to come and put a new type of valve on his trach tube that will make him breathe in through the tube and out through his mouth and nose so he can start speech therapy and learn how to speak again. He wants him to be able to sit up on the edge of his bed, unassisted, for at least 5 full minutes (no leaning against anyone), and he wants to be sure his bowels are working. Then we can make the big move upstairs.

It has been a long month from the darkness to this light I feel today. but what a wonderful feeling, to know he is passing from the critical stage toward wellness. What a true blessing.