Death Has Come Too Close

This is my Dad, the photo was taken two years ago this month when my parents met me out in Wyoming for a wonderful four day vacation.

As I write this my Dad is being transported from the Critical Care Unit in a hospital in New Jersey to have a procedure done to look for esophageal varices, otherwise known as areas in the esophagus which are bleeding and causing him to throw up masses of blood.

This has been quite a week. Monday we went to Houston for the appointment at Methodist Hospital for Parker. Tuesday I found out I had lost my job and spent the day wallowing in my woes under the covers. Wednesday I woke up ready to slay dragons again, and Parker had his first day back at work since he fell ill in March. He only lasted two hours, but we expected that.

Then later in the day yesterday, after sending out 30 resumes and looking for job online for 6 hours, I kept trying to call my parents. They were supposed to go to Sloan Kettering yesterday for my Dad's check up with the bladder cancer doctor. there was something wrong with their phone, and of course their cell phones were turned off (which usually means they can't find them and the battery died). So I called Sloan Kettering and was told they hadn't shown up for the appointment. Panic set in.

I called a good friend of the family who lives up near them, Seamus, and asked if he was in the neighborhood could he stop by and check on them. 30 minutes later he called to tell me he walked in the door to find my Dad vomiting blood everywhere and my mother struggling to get down the stairs to help him. As much as they resist it, these are not two people who should be living alone.

Seamus called the ambulance and, to make a long story short, Dad's blood pressure was really low and his heart rate high (good God this is making my hands shake from the familiarity of it). They got him to the closest hospital and got him somewhat stabilized. But during the night he continued to vomit blood, so this morning he was transferred to the CCU. When Seamus got back there this morning Dad had what looked like an NG tube sucking blood out of his stomach. So far there had been a quart.

Dad has liver cancer, and bladder cancer. Two cancers for drinkers and smokers, of which he is neither. Bad luck I guess. Liver cancer leads to cirrhosis (and visa-versa), non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and a thing he has called portal hypertension. All of the above can cause this esophageal varices, or bleeding from the esophagus.

So right this minute, my 84 year old father is undergoing a procedure to investigate and repair if possible. I have seen my son come back from being on the verge of death twice in the last six months, so I am optimistic this will turn out okay. If not, I sure am glad I said those thing to my Dad when I saw him two weeks ago. Death has come too close to me not to know I need to say what I feel to those I love, because you never know.

Hug your family today.