Deja Vu

Until today there was a part of me that missed the familiarity of the ICU. I didn't miss the reason we were in ICU, but it's sort of like going to a new school when you're a kid. Even if you hated the last school, you knew it. It was familiar, and normal. The lesser of two evils.

Today I was way too close to the ICU again and I only wanted to run. Parker had so much pain last night he couldn't get ahead of it, even with almost hourly shots of Dilauded. This morning his abdomen was swollen significantly again on the left side, extremely tender to touch, and he threw up everything he put in his mouth. Then he threw up without putting anything in his mouth, he was throwing up bile again. Temperature, heart rate and blood pressure all going up again.

I went with him to the CT Scan floor, which is right around the corner from the ICU. About halfway down The Green Mile aisle. The familiar smell of it sent me into a full fledged panic attack while I was waiting outside the room. Then I heard Parker screaming when they transfered him from his bed to the scanner. I threw up myself in a trash can. I can't rememebr now if I told anyone. Surprise!

Dr. Garcia was annoyed that Dr. Moore (covering for Dr. Turner or Lam) ordered the CT Scan and changed his meds. He came flying into the room when everything was done.

I don't understand why a doctor changes everything I've ordered when she has only seen him twice ... he's been my patient for two months now!

He said his look at the scan showed it was normal except the bowels were still distended. From top to bottom. He said the key is to get him moving with PT. Up and out of bed. I do know what after I had both C-Sections they told me The more you walk, the faster you heal.

There have just been so many things. And can I tell you how freaking scary it is to have to rely on doctors and nurses communicating with each other? Sometimes the system is amazing, other times frustrating.

Our nurse today, Lisa, is incredibly sweet and got it that I was falling apart again. I explained everything we'd been through, all the weeks of terror, and Parker's anxiety since learning what had happened (not to mention my never ending anxiety about going through it!) She was so nice, listened with compassion, and was so gentle and sweet to Parker. I truly appreciated it.

Yonus stopped in to see Parker in his new room. He was so happy to see the big window and the view he now has, and commented that he thought Parker looked so healthy. It was definitely the highlight of our day. What an incredibly nice man.