Pep Talks

Before Parker moved to Austin, he, James and I were a pretty tight knit threesome. Like close friends, as well as family. We went everywhere together as a unit. Movies, dinners out, dinners in, Sundays in the fall spent watching football, vacations, trips to the book store. We were pretty tight. So when Parker made the decision to move to Austin, we all knew it was the right thing, but we also knew it would be hard.

His leaving was a lot harder for me than I anticipated. The morning he was to leave, to drive the 2,000 miles to Austin with James by his side, I stood next to his Explorer saying my last goodbyes, trying to pretend it was all okay, that my insides weren't crumbling.

It was pretty emotional for all of us, and there was a fleeting moment when I thought he might change his mind. It lasted as long as two breaths, then he said, I have to go now or I won't leave. With those words, he pushed past the emotions that were going to hold him back, put his foot to the gas pedal and squealed out of the parking lot. The green Explorer looked like it tipped a little to the side when he went around the turn and out of sight.

Yesterday, Saturday, I reminded Parker of that moment when he mentally got stuck in Park. We'd had one good day, really good day, this week (until the stupid exray people dropped him off the table!) but we needed more. I coached him into looking at the big picture, not thinking of the painful moment he was in, not allowing himself to think he couldn't do what was on our plan for the day.

Pain is such a huge part of Parker's days and nights there are many times when he tells me he can't do it anymore. I think I am like a person helping someone give birth. I'm going to take a lot of abuse because of his pain, but my job is to help keep him focused on the positive, or on the big picture. Only this labor is nearing its three month mark. He has been in this pain for three months now!

So yesterday I "coached" him out of his paralysis and mid-morning he sat up, then stood up, then was able to sit on the portable commode for the first time. It was a huge moment, such a relief for him to feel he was making progress in taking back control over his body again. He was a real champion. He didn't think he could do it, but he listened to me and pushed his foot on that accelerator and roared out of the parking lot.

I was so proud of him.

The photo above is of a piece of artwork that really belongs in the Museum of Modern Art, but we are lucky enough to have it hanging in Parker's room. It is a cartoon my Dad spent hours, days, working on for Parker. It brought a huge smile to his face when I was finally able to show it to him yesterday, and he has asked for it to be framed when he is better. For now he wants it hung in his room where he can see it because it reminds him of all the funny-crazy things his grandfather has done throughout his life. And that makes him smile. :-)